Ask My Little Buddha
How do you deal with a 3 year old who shows a strong preference for their dad, even though (or perhaps because) mom is the primary caregiver?
First, don’t take it personally! Three years old seems to be the age where children test everything–from what’s on their dinner plate to who’s going to tuck them in at night. They experiment with choices and power, often showing preferences for parents or babysitters, and loving or resisting going to school–and sometimes both! Children test out their choices to see what they can get and how they feel.
We might take a look at what each parent does with the child–they may be angling for Dad’s frequent trips to the park or ice cream store. Or if Mom’s around more, Dad can seem new and exciting. Sometimes a new sibling can alter family dynamics as everyone adjusts. Three year olds may enjoy having an activity to do nearby when Mom or Dad is busy with the baby. It’s not about changing how each parent interacts with the child, more that parents check in and talk together about what might be consistent and what’s different. In our experience parent preferences are often stages that eventually shift, and then shift again.
We let the child’s desire or choice be okay when it works for the family. When it doesn’t, we explain that they will have an outing or spend time with Dad at a specific time later, and allow the child a chance to express their disappointment without taking it personally. Creating routines may help as well. If Dad’s home in the evenings, that can be a nice time at the end of the day for Mom to take a break while he handles bedtime. We took advantage of that one!
Comments
Post a Comment