Chronicles of Chaos

April 29, 2007 | Print

Mommy Kills Bugs

I’ve got three kids in the car, we’re leaving the post office en route to the market when Amelia screams, “Fly! Mom there’s a fly in the car!”

It’s warm and we have the windows open–the first afternoon I feel the excitement (and relief) for summer.

I say something like: Amelia, it’s a fly, flies don’t hurt us…

“MOM, IT HAS 2 BIG RED BULGING EYES!!!”

And with that she unlocks her seatbelt and ducks low in the third row.

I immediately pull over.

I open her car door continuing my monologue about how flies fly around, they don’t hurt us and it’s not okay to undo her seatbelt while I’m driving.

And then I see the fly.

It’s the freakiest looking fly I’ve ever seen. It has thin long wings like a wasp, a slimy fat black body, and of course, the two big red bulging eyes.

I used to consider bug removal on a case by case basis, applying somewhat of an imminent danger/am I near an open window standard–gingerly place the little guy outside, or eliminate him.

Ever since last fall when the kids got scary spider bite welts from what turned out to be the poisonous hobo spider, I’m biased towards squishing.

This particular scary fly is oddly slow, so I roll up the window on it–in sort of an effort to “put it back outside”.

The kids and I stare at the closed window. We debate whether the fly’s stuck in the window crevice or escaped into the wild.

I unroll the window and the thing drops to the floor of the car. It flops around, with crazy buzzing sound effects.

I scrounge up a crumpled paper towel from under the passenger seat (car cleanliness is over-rated) and squish the thing.

I say, “We got him.”

The kids say, “We want to see him.”

I open the paper towel and sure enough the fly hops out onto the asphalt at my feet.

I smash him with my shoe.

Amelia and Wyatt get out of the car to examine the body.

Satisfied, everyone straps back into car seats and we’re on our way. With all the windows closed.

The next day at Amelia’s soccer game, Wyatt turns to Michael and announces proudly, “Daddy, Mommy kills bugs.”

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