Chronicles of Chaos

June 9, 2007 | Print

Not Mom Envy But Something

Lately I’m noticing moms–pregnant moms, pregnant moms with a toddler, moms with a baby and toddler–and I have this wistful feeling.

Not envy, more reminiscing about how my life felt when I was in their places. Pregnant for the first time and taking my daily walk, going to the coffee shop for tea with Wyatt in a sling and Amelia holding my hand, nursing Oliver on a park bench while Amelia and Wyatt play on the slide.

I see these moms as a window back–the moms seem warm and fuzzy just like my memories.

I’m sort of wanting to be there again, and sort of appreciating the past from afar.

I do realize that in the moment those days didn’t feel so sparkly. Nursing in public is fine but not my favorite. Pregnancy is exciting and also worrying and uncomfortable. It’s no fun caring for a newborn at the park while watching your older children teeter at the top of suddenly unsafe because you can’t get there in time and even if you could you’re holding a baby play structures.

The sad undercurrent is letting go of the notion of being back at the beginning. Because I can’t, wouldn’t want to really, but it was such an incredible period of my life.

Mostly when I see these moms I’m sitting with the precious feeling of how fast we grow up.

•