Chronicles of Chaos

July 14, 2010 | Print

A Calvin Klein Bra

I found a bra that fits. The style is called, as perhaps it should be, the Calvin Klein Perfectly Fit No Wire Bra. I will confirm the design provides adequate coverage, dependability for white T-shirts, and all this without air pockets. I dallied with the surprisingly comfortable Bra-lleluyah! Soft Cup Bra by SPANX until the non-adjustable shoulder straps didn’t work for me. I would like to announce that Calvin Klein has created the perfect bra, but after my initial delight, I discovered the limitations of perfection. Like, it’s not great with tank tops, and the fact that my life has not changed dramatically. The lesson, if any, lies in my dedication to the search, my belief in the possible and, then of course, the acceptance of reality. Which, for the mother’s body, at times depleted, weighed down, and inevitably aging in a culture championing bright and shiny, is crucial.

Our bodies, much like our children, are not under our control. We can treat them well, set adequate boundaries, use the right lotions, and we still catch colds, wrinkles and spider veins. I’ve found that doctors love to remind me how pregnancy exacerbates a variety of physical conditions; however, as I get older, I see that even with that added pressure, time and genetics appear the more deserving culprits. Neither of which we can do anything about, which leads me back to acceptance.

If pregnancy throws a body through the ringer, the experience also teaches patience and trust. During my pregnancies, I discovered warts on my feet. With the first pregnancy the two unwanted spots cleared up quickly, without fuss. In my second pregnancy I developed a wart in the middle of my left foot that took up residency for five years. Five years of failed cures and worries about the thing growing through to the other side of my foot or spreading into my bloodstream. I would attack for months with daily regimens, surrender in defeat and try to forget about it, and then take up the cause once again, in a loop reminiscent of Kegel relationships. Eventually my immune system strengthened and I tried one last round of Dr. Scholl’s; the skin smoothed itself back to normal.

When I look at the bottom of my foot, I’m oddly proud and amazed. I see the back to normal skin as a reminder to trust my body and believe in the passage of time–to keep turning over my challenges until I view them differently, flat chested women are sexy, or find a reasonable solution, the not completely but very good Perfectly Fit Bra.

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