In the big picture, it’s good for children to test boundaries and make demands, to learn about compromise and not getting what they want. The question though, is what to do with a screaming child?

1. Let it happen. For parents, these big upsets can be jarring, exhausting, and when they happen in public, embarrassing. We stop ourselves from jumping to conclusions about why our kids are upset or restrict our child’s need to express their feelings. We hang in there, not giving in while also, once they’ve told us what they want, acknowledging their desires. We offer an alternative, redirect them to a new activity. Sometimes they’ll move on, or we may have to ride the emotional wave until they’re finished.

We try to stay objective and not take it personally. We remind ourselves that we’re not the only parent whose child screamed, “I hate you!” in the supermarket. We tell our child it’s not okay to talk to one another that way, give them other words to express their anger (“I’m angry at you!”) and leave as soon as possible.

2. Avoid triggers. We notice our three year-olds suffer from possession envy–as in I must have whatever my brother has, right NOW! So making sure there are two of everything can help, leaving favorite sand toys at home when we play at the park, noticing if more sleep is needed or less activities. In some cases, our kids’ bodies are craving more outside time to run and climb.

3. Empower the child. Children often erupt when they feel they’re not being heard or they feel stifled. Observing the build up to a child’s tantrums may help uncover if we could be listening better. Also, giving children jobs they can do on their own successfully can empower them to feel more in control. They appreciate when we offer choices, as simple as which shirt they want to wear, green or blue.

With toddlers, observing and reflecting what they’re exploring before directing them to what we want them to do can help them transition: “Oh, I see you’re closing and opening the cabinet. It makes a loud noise, doesn’t it?” Pause for a bit, then, “I have your shoes, we’ll put them on and go to the park.”

4. Remember it’s a stage. Our most challenging tantrum stage is three to four years old, give or take a few months on either side. Every one of our kids passed through this period. Some express louder and bigger upsets, others cry longer. The difficult moments are those that can’t seem to be resolved–our child makes an irrational demand (ice cream for dinner) and we can’t move them away from it. Some kids can’t unwind themselves without us meeting them partway. We eventually offer a compromise that leans in their favor–like one spoonful of ice cream, but only after dinner.

5. Be kind to yourself, your child and other tantrum enduring parents. The kindest thing another mom did for Lyndsey when her three year old was melting down on the sidewalk, was to come up to her and say gently, “I am so sorry. My three year-old laid himself out in the parking lot the other day at the market and stopped traffic.”

We’ve all been there. To calm our rattled nerves, we rely on old standbys–a walk around the neighborhood, an email or phone call to a friend, or a warm bath at the end of the day.

Oliver’s TED speech is worth watching because he identifies the slide of American eating habits from home cooked meals to fast food and outlines an approach for change. Schools are central to his plan–he advocates teaching cooking in class in addition to improving the meals served, especially important since many kids eat breakfast and lunch at school. Oliver shares powerful footage of his visits to classrooms where the lack of food knowledge is striking, and how simple programs like his work in West Virginia can make a big change in children’s health.

The TED Prize grants recipients a chance to pursue their wish to change the world. Oliver’s wish is to further his work with American families, schools and corporations to educate and change the way we eat. Oliver is an inspiring reminder for us to pay more attention and not succumb to the food industry–as he encourages, “America needs to stand up for better food!”

Experts discuss the impact of homework on learning–for elementary school it has no benefit, in middle school the results are mixed, and in high school up to two hours of homework improves learning, but no more than two hours. Students describe coming home from sports and other activities at seven at night, only to face three or four hours of homework. Kids are over-tired and stressed. Teachers struggle to foster children’s love of learning when federal and social expectations demand that children prove themselves by good test scores and AP classes. Schools are too often forced to teach for the test. A psychologist explains how kids lose a sense of themselves, and the role our culture of achievement plays in making kids feel unsuccessful unless they’re A students.

Lowlights: None.

Why we like it: The film features families who have found other approaches for their kids’ education, which we know exist, but listening to their decisions make these possibilities more real. We also left the theater inspired to think concretely about our family values, as well as what expectations we may unknowingly communicate to our kids.

Child’s age: Most of the children interviewed are in middle and high school. The insights of teachers and educators are relevant for all parents.

The Three Faces of Work-Family Conflict explains how the media misconstrues work-family issues by focusing either on upper middle-class mothers opting out or lazy welfare mothers dependent on government aid–when the reality for these families is far different, and middle class struggles are ignored. Williams and Boushey argue that work-family strains can be resolved for all of these families with short-term and extended paid leave, work flexibility rules, high-quality, affordable childcare, and ending discrimination against workers with family responsibilities.

The report summary is short and worth the read, we were struck by the economic data and started to feel like these public policy changes might one day be possible.

While some experts cite the change as a result of better mortality reporting, initial investigations from the California Department of Health task force find there is an actual increase in deaths. Advocates for maternal health want the increase studied and steps taken to change the trend. Doctors are considering obesity, diabetes and complications of cesarean sections as possible factors. The rate of C-sections has increased 50 percent in the same ten year period, and having an induction doubles the likelihood of a C-section.

The California task force has started pilot projects in hospitals to improve their response to hemorrhages and tracking of women’s medical conditions, and to reduce inductions.

For more about the investigation and research on maternal health, see Michael Krasny’s Forum interview Pregnancy Related Deaths on the Rise? with Nathanael Johnson, the journalist who wrote the California Watch article and Dr. Elliot Main, chief of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the California Pacific Medical Center and principal investigator for the California Maternal Quality Care Collaborative.

Gaia Herbs Black Elderberry Syrup

We give the kids a dose half an hour before bed which seems to lessen the coughs that start when they lie down. They drink the syrup from a spoon or mixed in a little water or juice. We recommend the large size bottle as Black Elderberry Syrup is so effective the whole family depends on it!

We grew up near the ocean and remember our parents working with neighbors to fight the oil companies who wanted to drill by our coasts. Then came Heal the Bay with its California Beach Report Card, and the efforts to protect our seas continue. Researchers are learning more about pollution’s effect on the ocean. The Algalita Marine Research Foundation studies the break down of plastic and other trash in the oceans and the impact on sea life. They work with local communities to prevent polluting waterways leading to the ocean. Simple steps like recycling plastic and shopping with reusable bags make a difference.

We’re also hearing more about trash islands in the Pacific made up mostly of plastic, which breaks into finer and finer pieces rather than decompose. On PBS, the family program Jean-Michel Cousteau Ocean Adventures explains how currents collect debris in a giant mass in the ocean. Algalita maps these islands and collects samples to track the rate of plastic accumulation in the North Pacific.

Over-fishing remains an issue for the health of the oceans as well. To remind ourselves about safe fish choices, we take a look at the NRDC consumer guide to mercury in fish, which identifies which species suffer from over-fishing. We like the EWG Safe Fish List too.

Greenloop carries jeans, shirts and dresses from brands like Edun, Loomstate and Linda Loudermilk. We’re on their email list so we know when new pieces arrive and their amazing sales where we buy our Loomstate T-shirts!

We’ve been using Lavera make up for years–the natural eyeliners are the best we’ve found, the lip gloss is great, and we always carry a Lavera hand cream in our bag.