March 10, 2010 | The top 5
Tantrums are self-expression–the loud, messy version. They are a normal and important part of childhood, in our experience peaking around 18 months and again in the form of three and a half year olds. The terrible twos is a misnomer.
In the big picture, it’s good for children to test boundaries and make demands, to learn about compromise and not getting what they want. The question though, is what to do with a screaming child?
1. Let it happen. For parents, these big upsets can be jarring, exhausting, and when they happen in public, embarrassing. We stop ourselves from jumping to conclusions about why our kids are upset or restrict our child’s need to express their feelings. We hang in there, not giving in while also, once they’ve told us what they want, acknowledging their desires. We offer an alternative, redirect them to a new activity. Sometimes they’ll move on, or we may have to ride the emotional wave until they’re finished.
We try to stay objective and not take it personally. We remind ourselves that we’re not the only parent whose child screamed, “I hate you!” in the supermarket. We tell our child it’s not okay to talk to one another that way, give them other words to express their anger (“I’m angry at you!”) and leave as soon as possible.
2. Avoid triggers. We notice our three year-olds suffer from possession envy–as in I must have whatever my brother has, right NOW! More
March 2, 2010 | Food for thought
Our friend Kass Lazerow turned us on to Jamie Oliver’s award speech at the recent TED Conference. Oliver has started a movement in Britain and the United States to educate families about nutrition and cooking in an effort to fight the obesity epidemic. He’s visiting schools, grocery stores and family living rooms–literally and via his new TV show “Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution”–to discuss the problem and teach simple steps to a healthier diet.
Oliver’s TED speech is worth watching because he identifies the slide of American eating habits from home cooked meals to fast food and outlines an approach for change. Schools are central to his plan–he advocates teaching cooking in class in addition to improving the meals served, especially important since many kids eat breakfast and lunch at school. Oliver shares powerful footage of his visits to classrooms where the lack of food knowledge is striking, and how simple programs like his work in West Virginia can make a big change in children’s health.
The TED Prize grants recipients a chance to pursue their wish to change the world. Oliver’s wish is to further his work with American families, schools and corporations to educate and change the way we eat. Oliver is an inspiring reminder for us to pay more attention and not succumb to the food industry–as he encourages, “America needs to stand up for better food!”
February 12, 2010 | On our bookshelf
Highlights: Race to Nowhere: The Dark Side of America’s Achievement Culture is a documentary examining the unhealthy aspects of our educational system. Director Vicki Abeles started making the film after seeing unsettling changes in her own children as their school pressures increased. She talks with teachers, parents, psychologists and students about what is happening in schools and homes across the country–exhausted kids losing their love of learning to their fear of not getting good grades.
Experts discuss the impact of homework on learning–for elementary school it has no benefit, in middle school the results are mixed, and in high school up to two hours of homework improves learning, but no more than two hours. More
February 4, 2010 | Front page story
The Three Faces of Work-Family Conflict: The Poor, the Professionals, and the Missing Middle evaluates the current strain on American families. Written by Joan Williams and Heather Boushey, a law professor and an economist, the study divides families into three socioeconomic groups with different challenges: low-income mothers struggling to find jobs that cover their childcare costs, middle income parents working themselves to the bone juggling work and childcare shifts, and professionals working part-time for low pay and no benefits or squeezed out completely because their jobs demand long hours and at least one parent needs to be available for the kids.
The Three Faces of Work-Family Conflict explains how the media misconstrues work-family issues by focusing either on upper middle-class mothers opting out or lazy welfare mothers dependent on government aid–when the reality for these families is far different, and middle class struggles are ignored. Williams and Boushey argue that work-family strains can be resolved for all of these families with short-term and extended paid leave, work flexibility rules, high-quality, affordable childcare, and ending discrimination against workers with family responsibilities.
The report summary is short and worth the read, we were struck by the economic data and started to feel like these public policy changes might one day be possible.
February 4, 2010 | Front page story
California Watch reports that the rate of women dying from causes directly related to pregnancy in California has almost tripled in the last ten years–the greatest increase in pregnancy related deaths since the 1930s. The number of deaths is very small, but for comparison, giving birth in California has greater risks than in Kuwait or Bosnia.
While some experts cite the change as a result of better mortality reporting, initial investigations from the California Department of Health task force find there is an actual increase in deaths. Advocates for maternal health want the increase studied and steps taken to change the trend. Doctors are considering obesity, diabetes and complications of cesarean sections as possible factors. The rate of C-sections has increased 50 percent in the same ten year period, and having an induction doubles the likelihood of a C-section.
The California task force has started pilot projects in hospitals to improve their response to hemorrhages and tracking of women’s medical conditions, and to reduce inductions.
For more about the investigation and research on maternal health, see Michael Krasny’s Forum interview Pregnancy Related Deaths on the Rise? with Nathanael Johnson, the journalist who wrote the California Watch article and Dr. Elliot Main, chief of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the California Pacific Medical Center and principal investigator for the California Maternal Quality Care Collaborative.