Front page story

May 23, 2007 | Print

The Fourth Trimester: Life with a Newborn

We remember first time moms coming back to our prenatal yoga classes with their six week old babies. They were glowing and happy, the babies beautiful.

Then these new moms started talking.

They shared their birth stories (a topic for another article, or a book or two), and their struggle the first few weeks. The common thread was their surprise at how hard it is–they couldn’t believe their moms and friends hadn’t shared the reality of the newborn stage.

Many of the women had careers before (and after) having children. Part of their shock was how as young mothers they felt like they’d dropped into a foreign land without a map. They weren’t used to being so confused, tired, and uncertain.

And the big whammy, worried.

The newborn stage is also known as the fourth trimester–the first three months when babies adjust to the big, cold, bright, noisy world outside of mom.

The period is a transition for parents as well. We’re not only learning baby caretaking, but also the particular needs and desires of our unique child.

Creating a framework for this time period, one dad calls it baby bootcamp, can help alleviate the lost feeling. The emotions (highs and lows) still run rampant, but understanding “this too shall pass” can go a long way when we’re struggling to find a way for an 8 week old to sleep that doesn’t involve holding him the entire nap–day after day after day.

It’s usually six weeks of a lot, and another six weeks of a little easier, though the cumulative fatigue can get challenging. And some babies go through a sensitive period starting around 6 weeks and sometimes ending at up to 10 to 12 weeks old where they have a daily period (up to an hour or more) of feeling upset, a kind of release.

Understanding the possibilities and probabilities (like 2-3 feeds a night) can help us accept ourselves, our new children and the often uncertain rhythms of the 24 hour clock.

The other key to survival is reaching out for support.

We’ve been known to call old college friends whom we haven’t spoken to in months just because we know they recently had a child, or already have four. They always say something that sticks in our minds and helps us get over the hump.

“You won’t be holding him forever, he will sleep in his crib.”

“I almost died after two months of night feeds, but I hung in there and then she went to one feed and it got so much easier.”

“Have you read this book, Healthy Sleep Habits? It really helped me.”

All of it is worth the effort. We learn the depths of our reserves, how amazing we are as parents and people, how incredible and lucky we feel to be a family.

And then we have the opportunity to share our experience to support another young family.

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