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July 20, 2007 | Print

Sharing

Sharing for some reason is complicated. More for us as parents than for our kids.

We want our children to share their toys, but it turns out young children are just learning what it feels like to have a toy. They’re exploring the keeping it for themselves part.

RIE classes are a wonderful place to observe a fuller (to call it that) perspective of the give and take between young children. The RIE approach gives children space to explore that give and take without telling them to share or take turns.

The RIE approach is easy to adopt, and works for preschoolers as well, with a little more explanation. It’s important first to have a context for how children deal with each other around toys (or really any object they like to hold).

Young children often interact with each other by taking one another’s toys. It’s interesting to them to see how the child who loses the toy reacts.

Two children may go back and forth this way with a particular toy. A child who takes a toy may return it to the child who lost it when she observes how upset that child feels. Watching without interfering with a resolution allows these interactions to occur.

Also, telling children to “share” or “take turns” in these moments tends to interrupt their play more than it teaches them to share.

When it is time to help them navigate a situation, we let them know we understand. We might also suggest another toy option.

“You want it and she wants it too.”

“Maddie took the truck. You want it too. Maybe we can find another truck.”

If the situation is getting physical or a child is sensitive on a particular day or for some other reason we don’t want a toy taken from him, we put our hand between them as a protective boundary or otherwise intercede between two children.

“He’s going to hold on to the toy right now.” “Maybe you can find another one to use.”

Kids learn to share because they appreciate and enjoy that interaction. They learn from watching us share, and our good feelings about sharing. We also positively reflect back moments they do share, “He really likes to play with the truck you gave him.”

Sharing is an evolving concept. It happens over time as we model sharing in our day to day lives, reflect back our understanding of wanting and losing toys, and offer positive reinforcement when sharing naturally occurs.

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