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August 1, 2007 | Print

Kelly’s Preschool Transition Ideas

Starting preschool is exciting, and a little uncertain.

Young children often are going through their first separation from being at home. And I always get teary the first day I walk out the school gate by myself–I can still hear the click of the latch behind me.

Some ways I try to ease the transition:

Create a transition plan with the teacher: For the best start, a one on one conversation with the teacher does wonders for my confidence and clarity.

I find an opportunity when my child is out of hearing range to discuss the transition period. I listen to the teacher’s ideas, share my perspective of my child’s temperament, and create a vision for the transition process.

Many schools have a way they do transition to best handle the large number of concerned parents and uncertain kids those first few weeks. If I have any questions or concerns, I ask–often in a follow up phone call.

A transition plan example: My favorite for a young child is to start in the room as an observer. I sit on a chair or the floor to the side of the room. Amelia (for example) can venture around the room and return to me for check ins.

I may sit with her while she plays at a table. I sometimes mention the activities I see in the room. If she wants to see the block corner, I’ll go with her.

But I don’t try to sell her on anything. I want her to engage for herself, rather than me convince her school’s fun. Once she’s comfortable in the room, I move out to the office or coat room, then the coffee shop around the corner, then I’m there at pick up.

When Amelia was young, 2 years and 10 months to 3 ½ years old, we tried shorter days. The first day we visited, then slowly built up the hours to a day that was comfortable for her. For a young preschooler 8:30 to 11:30 can be too long.

All that said, it can be disruptive to have parents in the room beyond the morning getting settled period. Teachers usually have suggestions about what works best for their particular class.

Strategic arrivals: I’ve watched one child clinging to a parent have a domino effect on other kids in seconds. It just happens.

If it works for the teacher, I try coming early or late to miss the big drop off time. Some kids are more comfortable with an emptier classroom, others like to join when kids are already playing.

Focus on my child: Preschool is sometimes the first close-up exposure to different parenting styles. It can be an opportunity to find new ideas, but sometimes feels awkward. If I feel self-conscious, I refocus on my child.

Starting over is common: After a weekend, vacation or illness, going back to school can have the same first day qualities. It doesn’t last.

It gets easier: Depending on the child, dropping off usually gets easier as the child gets older. Fall may be tough, but each month gets better until early spring, when drop off is an easy routine.

Preschool schedules also can be flexible, starting with two days a week, then three or four. Generally, making those days consecutive is easiest for a child.

If it’s feeling too tough for too long, I may talk to the teacher about taking a break. Maybe for a month, or until mid-school year when a child seems more ready. I may also sense through whether another school may be a closer match for my child and our family.

Breathe and care a little less: In the beginning, I met Amelia’s reluctance to walk through the classroom door with determination. My anxiety rose as she clung to me. I wanted to support her needs without setting the precedent I cry/mom takes me home.

Eventually, I learned to take a deep breath, relax, and stay with her until she felt ready. The less I cared about our goal and how we got there, the easier it came to us.

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