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Potty Learning
We are in the midst of potty learning (as we call it now) ourselves. Our approach is a combination of following the child’s lead, and giving clear directions and support. Each child is different and there’s no set way of doing it.
Most important, we adopt the perspective that our child will eventually use the potty. There’s no rush. We’re often backing off as much as we’re moving forward with the process.
When to Start. Our experience has been that 18 month olds may like the novelty of the potty and use it before bath. They also may drop their interest, and then start again after they’re two years old. The age range for our kids switching to the potty and out of diapers has fallen somewhere between 2.2 and 3.5. That said, there are no set time periods.
We look for signs of readiness around two years old. We buy enough potties
Signs of readiness include letting us know when the pee or poop is coming, dry diapers for periods of time, interest in taking off diapers during changes, asking to use the potty, and disliking the sensation of wet diapers. Emotionally, we avoid power struggles over the toilet. It’s a cooperative process, we want them to feel empowered not cornered. We don’t use terms like “being a big boy” as that may lead kids to feel pressure.
Ideally, potty learning does not occur around other changes–moving, new sibling, schedules, starting school or giving up a pacifier.
How to Start. As we approach potty learning, we make sure that our child has exposure to using the potty. He comes with us when we go to the bathroom. He might help with changing diapers, noticing whether there’s pee or poop, just building his awareness.
A first introduction to sitting on the potty can be before or after bath. Or we might change our child in the bathroom, and invite him to sit on the potty. We show him how to tear off toilet paper and flush the toilet.
As we get the process going, we try naked time for a period of time at home in the morning or afternoon. Naked time (or wearing a shirt only) helps children realize that there’s nothing to hold the pee or poop if they go to the bathroom.
Every so often we say it’s time to go to the potty. The child sits on the potty for a little while. We might say, you can let the pee come out in the potty and then we’ll pour it into the big potty and you can flush. If something comes out, that’s what we do. We let him pour with us, flush and clean out the container.
If he’s playing on the potty and it’s clear he’s not going, we move him along, “It looks like you’re done, let’s go get our snack and we’ll come back later.”
It’s important that the potty is accessible and clothes easy to remove.
Some kids like putting the toddler potty seat on the toilet and using the little potty as a stool. There are also potties with built in steps and handles
If our child doesn’t go to the bathroom, we try again later. Once we have a rhythm, we lengthen the diaper free time, then extend it to outings. We always bring a few diapers, extra clothes and a portable seat that we can put on restroom toilets. Kids don’t like the feeling that they could fall into the big potty.
When a child has an accident, we let him know it’s just fine and clean up promptly. The sensation and experience can be upsetting, so we reassure him without too much discussion about it. He may describe the incident over and over again for a few days.
A child on occasion quickly makes the transition to the potty. More often, the change takes time and patience. There’s no way to force a child to go to the bathroom in the potty. If a child seems resistant, we wait a month before deciding whether to try again. We don’t want children to feel anxious or start holding pee or poop. Our goal is to encourage, while assessing any fears they have so we can help them feel comfortable.
Potty Learning Support. We’ve read lots of potty learning/training chapters and articles, they tend to include both useful and strange ideas. Preschool teachers often have helpful handouts. The Toilet Learning chapter in Becoming the Parent You Want to Be frames the process well.
For kids, finding a simple library book about using the potty can be helpful, as long as it doesn’t put pressure on them to use the potty, or don’t read those parts of the story.
A few children’s books we’ve used (recommended by Wyatt’s preschool teacher):
Everyone Poops
The Story of the Little Mole Who Went in Search of Whodunit
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